HOBBES AND HOBSON:

It was interesting to hear Chris Matthews refer several times recently to a "Hobbesian choice" for members of the Congress.  Did he mean "Hobson's choice"?  Almost certainly, yes.  A Hobson's choice is one that's effectively no choice at all, because there is only one solution on offer, so that the choice becomes "take it or leave it".  Mr. Hobson ran a rent-a-horse company and insisted on renting out his horses in strict rotation: his customers could take the next horse in rotation or no horse at all.  The great philosopher Hobbes, after whom the famous tiger is named, propounded that our fundamental choice in life is essentially between living under an all-powerful autocracy and living in chaotic anarchy: not the same as a Hobson's choice, but still reasonably applicable to the current disgraceful situation.  September 30, 2008.

HOW TO GET THE ECONOMY ROLLING:

Listen to the American Society of Civil Engineers, a professional society that is always admirably willing to speak up on issues of public policy.  Read the ASCE's action plan here.  The key points are:

• Establish a National Commission on Infrastructure and a National Infrastructure Bank.

• Fund the Airport and Airway Trust Fund and the Airport Improvement Program.

• Fund surface transportation programs authorized under SAFETEA-LU.

• Fix the shortfall in the Highway Trust Fund and use it to invest in the nation's surface transportation program.

• Start a program to repair and replace aging bridges.

• Reauthorize the Brownfields Revitalization and Environmental Restoration Act.

• Enact the Dam Rehabilitation and Repair Act to address the most critical non-federal public dams.

• Enact a national levee safety program.

• Enact the Water Quality Financing Act of 2007 to provide vitally needed federal aid.

• Fund the Safe Drinking Water Act State.

• Require a comprehensive approach to water resources projects constructed by the Corps of Engineers.

• Ensure the integrity of the Inland Waterways Trust Fund.

All this costs money, of course, but, like FDR's programs after the Great Depression, it's an investment that is almost immediately converted into jobs and economic growth.  September 22, 2008.

TWO OBSERVATIONS ON LEHMAN BROS:

I'm intrigued by two things about the bankruptcy of Lehman Bros.  First, all the newspapers carried pictures of Lehman employees carrying boxes of their personal stuff out of the office: but Lehman filed under Chapter 11, not Chapter 7 and should be still functioning in almost every respect.  Sure, there are lay-offs coming, but already?  There's nothing on Lehman's web site or in the press about lay-offs.  So did all these people just bail out?  The second thing is that we are continually told that Lehman Bros. is 158 years old, as if this makes its collapse all the more significant.  But it's the name that's 158 years old: the company is only 14 years old.  The original Lehman Bros. disappeared in 1984, when it was bought by American Express, to save it from total collapse, and merged with Shearson Hamill and E. F. Hutton.  The present Lehman Bros. dates only from 1994, when that division of American Express was spun off.  September 21, 2008.

MEMO TO BOOK PUBLISHERS:

As someone who, over the years, has bought an enormous number of books, probably something approaching 10,000, I would just love to get all the major book publishers together in one room and throw over-ripe tomatoes at them.  Since that's not going to happen, I have to content myself with sounding off in this column.

Memo to book publishers: your customers are not stupid.  We know, for example, that:

• You don't edit books any more.  Despite the existence of standard systems that check spelling, punctuation and grammar, there will almost certainly be an error on the first page.

• You are apparently so  browbeaten by your big-name big-ego authors that you don't even check for factual, historical or geographic accuracy any more.

• You routinely use poor-quality paper and bindings if you don't think a book will still be popular 20+ years from now.

• In fact, you have totally abandoned all pretense at creating a quality product, haven't you?

• The physical appearance of the author has nothing whatever to do with the quality of his or her writing: why do you insist on hitting us between the eyes with those gruesome photographs?

• Gushing blurbs from other authors are worthless.  This is called log-rolling: author A is not going to criticize author B's latest book, because, if he does, author B will not write a gushing blurb for author A's next book.

• Non-fiction books do not have to have two-part titles.  If the topic is not self-explanatory from the main title, we can read a review or an advertisement, or even, in a book store, open it up, just as we do with fiction titles.

• You do not have to wait six months before publishing a book previously published elsewhere in the world: if you do, we will just buy the overseas edition over the internet.

Try treating your customers as if they had brains, for a change.  (I suppose that it's obvious that I just bought a book that failed all the above tests.)  September 21, 2008.

NO MORE GOLD:

In a spectacularly poor choice of words, Kenneth D. Lewis, the chief executive of Bank of America, is quoted in this morning's NY Times as saying “We’ve gone from a golden era of banking and financial services.”  Well, no &%*#, Kenny.  Setting aside all feelings of schadenfreude, if there's one thing that must come out of all this turmoil on Wall Street, it has to be the elimination of multi-million-dollar salaries and bonuses, and of obscenely over-generous employment contracts.  This so-called golden era started with the Reaganites and their ridiculous "trickle-down" theory of economics, and it's gone on way too long.  If we don't change things now, we won't have an economy much longer.  September 16, 2008.

RESPECT AND DEFERENCE:

Frankly I'm baffled by all this talk of the need for respect and deference in the presidential campaign.  When did a politician ever merit respect and deference?  Has it not always been an integral part of the political process to mock politicians, whether good, bad or indifferent?  Good heavens, doesn't anyone remember what they said about Simon de Montfort in the taverns of Cheapside?  I'm all for a healthy lack of respect: booing, barracking and heckling are just as much expressions of free speech as are cheering, chanting and the waving of banners.  It's not so long ago that the aerial application of over-ripe vegetables at a political meeting was completely normal behavior.  And as for deference, let's have none at all: politicians are the servants of the people and they should be deferring to us, not us to them.  I'll probably be deported now.  September 14, 2008.

WHAT DID PIGS DO TO DESERVE THIS?

I think it's hugely unfair to pigs to suggest that they represent bad political ideas, even if you put lipstick on them.  All the pigs I've met, and I've met quite a few, were intelligent, loyal and affectionate creatures, but not one ever had a single political thought, at least not one that they ever shared with me.  (George Orwell had more success communicating with pigs.)  If I were a pig, I would decline to discuss my political opinions with anyone who couldn't treat me with some level of respect and deference.  September 14, 2008.

CHANGE WE CAN PRONOUNCE, PART THREE:

Ignore all previous comments.  In her interview on ABC yesterday, Governor Palin clearly pronounced it "nucular".  So much for education and experience.  September 13, 2008. 

CHANGE WE CAN PRONOUNCE, PART TWO:

Now we know why Governor Palin knows how to pronounce "nuclear".  An eagle-eyed reader has sent me a copy of that terrific speech she gave in St. Paul last week.  Read it here and note that the magic word appears twice, and in both instances it is spelt "new-clear".  It's the only word in the speech that's spelt sort-of phonetically.  I called the campaign about this and a spokesperson named Tucker Tucker the Third assured me that this spelling was not intended to be phonetic, it is how the word is, in fact, spelt.  September 11, 2008.

COME ON, FOLKS, SING ALONG:

Click here to read the lyrics of "Drill Here, Drill Now".  You can even download the single for only $0.99, a price you couldn't beat at Wal-Mart. September 10, 2008.

THE LONE PIPER:

There’s no predominant ethnicity around here, as far as I can tell, but we have at least one other quasi-Scotsman besides our ersatz Sean Connery.  This guy wears Highland dress and plays the pipes.  Once in a while, but not in accordance with any form of discernable schedule, he marches up Atlantic Avenue to the beach, to the big flagpole that stands in its own little plaza on the beach side of Ocean Boulevard.  There he plays “Amazing Grace”, once through, and then he marches back down Atlantic Avenue.  He’s not a bad piper, but he only seems to know the one tune, so he ought to be pretty good at it by now.  I wonder if he knows that “Amazing Grace” is a hymn, not a pipe tune, and an English hymn at that.  It would be great if he would occasionally play something that was actually written for the Great Highland Bagpipe, a pibroch for preference, or if he would march on and off to the stirring strains of “The Black Bear” or “Hieland Laddie”.  I live in hope.  September 7, 2008.

CHANGE WE CAN PRONOUNCE:

One good thing about this election is that all four of them can pronounce "nuclear".  September 7, 2008.

PALIN EDGED OUT SUGARBAKER:

Sources say that the choice of a strong woman to stand behind John McCain was a toss-up between Sarah Palin and Jolene Sugarbaker right down to the last minute.  See what we might have had here.  September 4, 2008.

NOT KATRINA, BUT:

It seems that Mississippi's Gulf Coast dodged a bullet with Gustav but there must have been some uneasy moments just the same. 

In a perverted sort of way, it's almost a good thing that there's been so little residential rebuilding in the past three years.  September 3, 2008.

PALIN AND TUCKER:

What is so hard about the pronunciation of Governor Palin's name?  Almost as much time seems to have been spent wrestling with this as with her qualifications.  Of course it has a long a: if it had a short a, it would also have two Ls.  Duh!  Besides, there's a much better known Palin out there - actor/director and ex-Python Michael - with whose name nobody has ever had any trouble.

And while on the topic of Republican names, what's with all these Tuckers?  Are there any Republican spokesmen who are not called Tucker?  It's such a classically upper-class, blue-blooded first name.  Who was this Tucker chap that they are all named after?  Some billionaire oppressor of the working classes, no doubt.  September 3, 2008.