HOW TO BUILD CARS

Anyone who thinks the mess in Detroit is not the UAW's fault should see this video about Ford's new plant in Brazil.  November 29, 2008.

COME ON OPEC, LET'S GO!

What's the matter with these guys?  Cut production, for heaven's sake!  We need to get the price of oil back up above $100, or we'll never get the "energy independence" effort rolling or the auto makers producing efficient cars.  November 27, 2008.

LET'S SHOOT A FEW BANKERS AND CEOs

We believe in the death penalty in this country.  We think it's the appropriate punishment for a number of things.  In fact, we use it more than any other country except China and, er, um, er, oh yes, China.  But the Chinese are so much more efficient about its application.  Found guilty today, a quick shot in the back of the head tomorrow, no messing about with endless appeals.  I like the old Greek way, too: "Here, swallow this nice mug of hemlock and take a nap."  So let's extend the death penalty to crimes against the people, such as destroying an entire industry or stealing the life savings of millions of Americans.  Where shall we start?  November 25, 2008.

A QUANTITY OF SAUSAGE

I haven't seen the new James Bond movie and probably won't.  It sounds as though it's a travesty of Uncle Ian's timeless saga of romance and adventure.  I mean, who wants to see a movie about meat-packing?  November 25, 2008.

IT'S NOT ALL THE UAW'S FAULT, BUT

Before anyone lifts a finger to help GM and Ford, let's all lean on the UAW.  See a comparison between GM and Toyota here.  Beware, however: for the most part, this is a comparison between GM and Toyota USA, but there are some figures that are Toyota worldwide.    November 24, 2008.

A BRIGHT LIGHT IN THE SKY

One of the unexpected delights of living in Delravia is that we can see the shuttles take off.  The view is best in the gloaming, but even in the dark, as on Friday, it's a stunning and mesmerizing and strangely moving sight.  I'm not sure whether the space program is really worth its cost - how do you do a cost-benefit analysis? - but I suspect that most Americans are willing to give it the benefit of the doubt.  November 16, 2008.

CONDITIONS FOR A GM DEAL

If we must bail out GM, and it looks as though we're going to, let's at least keep the deal rational.  First, don't give the incompetent idiots anything.  Either lend it to them, with the physical assets, not the stock, as security, or guarantee commercial loans, again with the physical assets as security.  Second, make any deal conditional on an across-the-board cut-back in wages and salaries - something of the order of 25%.  And third, make it conditional on bringing in competent management, such as Toyota, one of the best managed companies in the world and one that has already clearly demonstrated that there's nothing wrong with the U.S. automobile industry if you manage it properly.  November 13, 2008.

THE GIN-AND-TONIC HITS 150

Yesterday was the 150th anniversary of the creation of the gin-and-tonic, the unofficial official tipple of the British Empire.  Read the Daily Telegraph's story here.  I would have written this yesterday but I was out celebrating.  November 11, 2008.

HELP THE AUTO INDUSTRY?  HELL, NO!

Of course it's unfortunate that the U.S. auto industry is falling apart, but spend tax dollars to bail it out?  Hell, no.  The management of the three big companies is clearly incompetent, as well as overpaid, and the unions are just plain greedy - the average wage of a a UAW skilled worker at GM is $32.32, more than 50% higher than that of a skilled-trade shipyard worker.  Eff 'em.  Of course, the same goes for the bloody bankers.  As I've said here before, the best and quickest way of fixing the economy is to build things - bridges, port facilities, transit systems, etc.  When do we start?  November 8, 2008. 

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE RANTS?

People have asked me what happened to the non-maritime rants that were part of this web site before I reorganized it.  Well, I deleted them.  Apparently that was a mistake.  Fortunately, they still exist, so, if you are interested, you can find them here and also via the link at the foot of this column.  November 8, 2008.

NO SEA CHANGE IN THE SENATE, IT SEEMS

As a gesture to the new era that started on Wednesday, the Dems are dumping 91-year-old Senator Byrd of West Virginia from the Chair of the Senate Appropriations Committee.  Yay!  So who is the energetic young up-and-comer who gets to take over?  Why 84-year-old Senator Inouye of Hawaii, an almost equally senile, pork-addicted, protectionist joke of a politician, that's who.  If the Dem leadership really wants to move with the spirit of the times, it would decree that no committee chair may be over 65 years old.  November 8, 2008.

FOR FREE

At the risk of exceeding my daily crabbiness quota, I want to complain about the phrase "for free".  If my bartender serves me a g-and-t without charging me for it, it's free.  It's not "for free".  The phrase "for free" is meaningless": "free" is not a price or a quantity, requiring a preposition, it's an adjective.  Only an illiterate nitwit would think otherwise.  Grump, grump, isn't it time for a cocktail yet?  November 7, 2008.  Oh and, by the way, the same goes for "for real".

BOTH ENDS OF PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE

It always irritates me when I hear reporters talking about "both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue", in the context of the White House and the Capitol.  (I know, I get irritated too easily.)  One end of Pennsylvania Avenue is at the intersection of M Street, and 29th Street, in Georgetown: this is about a mile and a half west of the White House.  The other end is way out in suburban Maryland, east of Andrews AFB: this is about eight miles east of the Capitol.  More precision, please.  November 7, 2008.

THE DECLINE IN EDITING

Headline in today's NYT: "Bhutan: New King Coronated".  Oh dear, coronated.  Sorry, but it's not a word, even though it appears in the dreaded Merriam-Webster, which long ago demonstrated that it has no standards whatever.  It's a back-formation from "coronation", but that still doesn't make it a real word.  The new king was crowned, not coronated.  Even as I write this word, Microsoft is underlining it in red.  November 7, 2008.

ABOUT QUAKPOX:

Some patients have experienced strangely benevolent moods after taking QUAKPOX.   If you find yourself buying a round of drinks in a dry cleaners, consult your doctor.  If you experience bursts of exhilaration accompanied by an urgent desire to strangle a television pundit, consult your doctor.  Other side effects include an unexpected blurring of the feet, erections that last as long as 40 seconds, rapidly alternating bouts of constipation and diarrhea, and vomiting baby squirrel fetuses.  Before taking QUAKPOX, tell your doctor about any previous experience you may have had with hallucinatory drugs.  Also, tell your doctor if you are not pregnant and seek his help in rectifying this serious deficiency.  Remember that QUAKPOX may work differently for patients of different ages.  QUAKPOX should never be taken with sautéed calves' liver, whether or not accompanied by onions.  You may need a larger dose of QUAKPOX if you fall down a lot.  Finally, do not drive a Prius or drill any offshore oil wells while using QUAKPOX.  November 5, 2008.

LIVE IN PHILADELPHIA

It's always a relief to be told that a reporter is "live in Philadelphia".  I had been worrying that some of these folks might actually be some kind of remote-controlled mannequin.  Silly me.  November 4, 2008.

PALM BEACH COUNTY STRIKES AGAIN

So here in the land of hanging chads, we have a whole bunch of new problems.  As you will have seen on television, the early voting lines in Florida are very long, with waiting times of several hours.  Why?  Because the state legislature decreed, in its infinite wisdom, that there could only be one early voting location per city and that it could only be open for eight hours a day.  (The legislature is Republican-controlled, of course, but far be it from me to suggest that they set it up that way with the deliberate intent of making voting difficult.)  I went by the Delravia location on day 1 and the line outside the building was at least 400 yards long and not moving at all.  In addition, it was raining and most of the folks in line appeared to be considerably older than me.  After ten days of this nonsense, our Governor, Charlie Crist, a phenomenally sensible man, decreed that the polls needed to be open 12 hours a day.  Still only one location per city, however, and the waiting time here in Delravia as I write is still over two hours.  The alternative to early voting is the absentee ballot, but now we find that the new machines can't read the absentee ballots, of which there are apparently about 115,000 so far.  Why?  It's the crease caused by folding the ballot to put it in the envelope.  Sometimes it's the simplest problems that are the hardest to solve.  Wonderful.  What will it be next time?  November 1, 2008.

SLIMEBAGS, ALL OF THEM

OK, mudslinging has played a role in elections for millennia and, goodness knows, anyone who wants to be a politician needs to be able both to dish it out and to take it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.  Does it?  It just seems to me that mudslinging is the refuge of a candidate who has nothing constructive to say.  Some of the mud being slung in the current election is regular, common-or-garden stuff, but some of it, such as Senator Dole's "There is no god" commercial, is mind-numbingly disgusting.  Grow up, all of you.  Fortunately, it's almost over.  November 1, 2008.